Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
