just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
