Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
