Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
