It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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