There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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