Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
3pm strippers are depressing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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