I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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