I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
