did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
