So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
