i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
