When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
