My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
