yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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