at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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