office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
