The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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