This girl is more easily done than said...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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