I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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