Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
