So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize