So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
