Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
