I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
