so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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