So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
