so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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