There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
