Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
