Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
