yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
