i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
