If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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