The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
