I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
