He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
