No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
