True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
