Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
