so that wasnt chicken after all
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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