i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
