walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
