Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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