I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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