I want to make a zoo with you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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