"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
