am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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