i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
