like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
