i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
