I want to walk on stilts...naked
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
