Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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