Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
