Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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