seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
