did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
