This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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