i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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