Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I need a beard to bite.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
