why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
