508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize