2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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