Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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