i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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