You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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