Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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