stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
