Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
