I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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