shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
