when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
