piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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