hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
