Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
