K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
