he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
