Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
