I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
