the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am one with the molecules
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
