Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
