Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
