I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
