how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
